“The guy I know” wants to end all disputes on the subject of “dispute”!
October 10, 2011
After a gap of good 24 hours, I could again get closer to ‘the guy I know’, in the silence of my pg room, yes, the place is largely quite, if we have a heart big enough to ignore desperate call for proper oiling coming clear from the ceiling fan swinging above me & yes my best companion in town (my BB ) paying “jagjit singh”, as both of us approach the mid night!
“The guy I know” is thinking deep as he nods to my greeting and almost mechanically throws a question towards me, speed of which was nothing less than a bullet chasing its target – I was perplexed and in the attempt to understand, why something was being asked to me, I completely missed, what was being asked? In utter disgust, I uttered – you mind repeating…. he gave me a stern look and said .. are “disputes” bad ?
Like all previous occasions even on this one, I did not have much to contribute, so I cautiously caught the bullet, without allowing it to disturb my desire to listen to “the guy I know”, I threw the question back to him (my speed was gentle though) and said – why don’t you share you viewpoint and “the guy I know”, said, Dispute is often seen as a negative sentiment or let me say it is believed to cause undesirable consequences in most cases, but I’m of the view that disputes are integral part of our lives and it propels growth and movement ( may not be in all cases but it does deliver it in some critical ones) – I heard “The guy I know” and was struck by surprise and perhaps this was my turn to behave mechanical, I bounced on him almost like this action was a result of someone pressing some electronic button in me– I remarked _ I don’t think I agree with that one, and then with an unperturbed smile he says _ please turn an ear to my thoughts , you may buy it in and I agreed!
“The guy I know” said, it is when we disagree, difference are born which sometimes graduate to disputes and disagreement is born often when we don’t submit to what we don’t consider right , so if dispute is bad so is standing for what we consider right?Now it is undisputable that standing for one’s views is not negative and wrong, so it is not unfair therefore to consider and accept that all disputes are not negative, some are essential too! – This argument did move me a little but could not really shift my positions – from extreme disagreement to agreement , my honest situation was somewhere in between and I did not waste any moment in putting it across to “The guy I know”, this time speed was certainly calmer!
“The Guy I know”, welcomed my reaction and said , it is not deniable that disputes do sometimes lead to unfortunate consequences but so does agreement , if we agree and act on factually incorrect details and actions based on immoral philosophies devoid of values ? It is then he says, disputes alone never causes any harm – it becomes fatally destructive when it is wrongly mixed with emotions ( like hatred, insult, jealously etc..) and thus misjudged as an attack on self and not just on our opinion, a glaring example could be we don’t mind when people say “they don’t like black cloths” but when the same dislike on the colour is expressed like “I don’t like your cloths in black” raises possibility of dispute potential of unfortunate results! It is noteworthy that the previous comment which only talk about the colour black is less likely to result in anything unpleasant, while there might still be dispute in the shape of disagreement between people who regard black as a good colour!
So it is not dispute , but dispute blended with emotions attached to self that causes problems and if we have to dissolve dispute , we don’t have to agree on everything but only alienate emotions form our disagreement and still carry on with disputes which after all is not a bad thing, always.
Now I can say, I have travelled the across the tangent to believe that not all disputes are bad – Thanks to the “The Guy I know”